Sarika Chawla
*Poetic formatting preserved
My brother says that everyone knows who I am.
You’re The Girl in the Wheelchair,
he says,
Everyone knows who you are,
and my mom adds,
Yeah, it’s like an identifier:
the boy with a birthmark on his cheek,
and my brother,
the girl with long blonde hair,
and all of us,
The Girl in the Wheelchair.
But what if I don’t want to be The Girl in the Wheelchair?
What if I was the girl who zooms around town in a hot pink rolling chair? That’d be pretty neat,
wouldn’t it?
But it would still be
The man with an eyepatch
and
The woman with a mustache
and
The Girl in the Wheelchair. Everyone knows who you are.
Tell me, how can you claim
to know who I am
Speedy Gonzales! Hahaha!
by defining my identity
You should get a horn to warn
people you’re coming!
with a chair
You’re gonna get a speeding ticket!
with wheels
You’re so lucky you get to sit all day.
that moves.
I feel so bad for you.
You’re The Girl in the Wheelchair.
What if I don’t want to be The Girl in the Wheelchair?
What if I want to be the girl with two piercings in her right ear and a third
on the way but only one
in her left ear because the second one got infected and then she decided she liked the asymmetry.
What if I want to be the girl with cool leggings and
colorful fleece hoodies zipped up over her mouth because she’s always cold and
the girl with an untameable mane of poofy tangled
roots from the jungles of India.
What if I want to be the girl who browses baby name sites
for fun,
the girl whose first love was Spanish,
the girl who turned out to be a sweet, loyal
Hufflepuff despite insisting
she was a strong and brave and fearless Gryffindor.
is Belle and she loves Beauty and the Beast
because she is
the Beast and also because she has feet a size too small
and a heart ten sizes too big.
What if I want to be a woman?
What if I were to tell you that I believe I am a princess
and I am a woman
and I am a fucking queen.
I am a queen and my first love was Spanish.
Soy una reina.
I want to be a woman.
Quiero ser una mujer.
I want to be the woman who gives good head.
Ay mamita, dame más
I want to be the woman who brings you
to your knees with her writing, who
can say “I love you” in all the languages of the world,
I want to be—
I just want to be.
Eres—
who cheats on Spanish, the woman who speaks
French between your legs,
Eres una perra en la cama
the woman who’s mind-blowing in the bedroom.
I want to be the woman who gives hugs for hours on end because she’s soft and warm
from those few extra pounds on her stomach because after Spanish, her second love
was food, and I want to be the woman
who entangles continents in the Indian jungles growing
I want to fall asleep at night
Good night, Hufflepuff.
and feel beautiful.
Te amo.
Te amo. Chiquita, niñita, muchacha linda, mujer bonita, bella reina, diosa hermosa,
mi querida chica con la silla de ruedas,
my dear girl with the wheelchair,
te amo.
Eres una reina.
all over her body.
I want to be
la mujer con un bigote.
Eres mi reina.
Eres mi
I want to be una mujer.